Play

Just some of my meanderings on Play. ( I am not a Play Therapist, and I do not pretend to be that kind of expert, I am only sharing my meanderings as a Respite Provider.)

I have been contemplating the importance of play. Probably because we have just left the beach.

I was surprised by how difficult it was for the kids to play. Frankly, as a team, we were all so surprised. When you have been doing this for as long as we have, we typically have experienced whatever we are experiencing before. Not this trip. This trip the boys were not able to embrace play. For them, the entire experience was fraught with terror, which of course, led to non-compliant and aggressive behavior. (In the past, we have had individuals act out more inappropriately, for sure, but as a team, we have never experienced, the kids alliancing so tightly together, around the total resistance to play.)

The threat alone was not just play of course, but the opportunity for intimacy, in an environment that they profess to delight in. With people who were attempting to delight in them. What a conundrum.

Play heals. Play helps heal the body, the brain, your heart, and can help heal your ability to relate, and can help specific relationships. There is plenty of research on the importance of play, just pick up any decent brain book. When you activate the play circuit in your brain, you are bringing the activity of your brain out of lust; anger; fear, all the places where our brain rarely needs to go, but for these kids, is hardwired to go there frequently.

So, I have been pondering what does play look like. What does healthy play look like? Why is play difficult? What is required to play well?

Its easy to think these kids know how to play. . .just sit them down with a bucket of Legos! And yet, if you were to “hear” the story in their head, concerning their play, it just might frighten you. If you ask them to share a bucket of Legos with another, it would be short lived or filled with competition and attempts to assert dominance. Or another typical scenario might be what we call plastic. I will draw a picture of something that looks compliant to appease you, or I will play Legos with so and so in a non-threatening manner to appease you, but then again, the intention is to manipulate the adult, and therefore we end up back at; playing with the intention of asserting dominance. There are several methods to interacting, that appear to be play, and are only veiled attempts to manipulate the adults, which is their most favorite past time. I do not think of it as play, unfortunately, often it is their idea of fun. And most frequently of course, the kids just have no ability to play, whether by themselves or with another.

I think play requires creativity and connection. It can include intra-connection, but for sure, I think it requires internal connection, or a therapist might say, integration. Different parts of themselves, their brains must integrate, to achieve this task. All the children are capable of this, at some level. And yet, the unity we saw among them, to resist our attempts to play, sent me cogitating for days.

So, I pondered what is the greatest hindrance to achieving, the task, at whatever level they are capable and Sheila, our great therapist added a thought, that resonates loudly with me, you can’t play and be a victim simultaneously. To play: to play consistently; either with themselves or one another; or us, requires that they exchange the narrative of victim, which they perceive as an opportunity, defining their internal story, justifying all their actions, and defending their sense of entitlement; to one of chosen, or whole and not broken. I realized, in asking them to play, we are asking them to redefine their identity. That is no small ask.

These pondering have been immensely helpful for me. It replaces a lot of my disappointment with more commitment and energy, to continue to provide play opportunities, a little at a time. Stopping whenever necessary, playing only while they can receive the moment, building on success, and not asking more than they can manage.

If we can engage play, healthy, integrated play, for 10 minutes that is awesome! I celebrate that success. I will stop, only allowing as much as can be metabolized at one time. Moving forward on success and stepping back when it not able to be achieved.

I am hopeful this begins a conversation. Please share your thoughts, with us, with one another. Let us know what was helpful, if there are parts you don’t understand, please reach out. Again, this is not meant to be a treatise on the subject, only a platform to dive off.PLAY

Just some of my meanderings on Play. ( I am not a Play Therapist, and I do not pretend to be that kind of expert, I am only sharing my meanderings as a Respite Provider.)

I have been contemplating the importance of play. Probably because we have just left the beach.

I was surprised by how difficult it was for the kids to play. Frankly, as a team, we were all so surprised. When you have been doing this for as long as we have, we typically have experienced whatever we are experiencing before. Not this trip. This trip the boys were not able to embrace play. For them, the entire experience was fraught with terror, which of course, led to non-compliant and aggressive behavior. (In the past, we have had individuals act out more inappropriately, for sure, but as a team, we have never experienced, the kids alliancing so tightly together, around the total resistance to play.)

The threat alone was not just play of course, but the opportunity for intimacy, in an environment that they profess to delight in. With people who were attempting to delight in them. What a conundrum.

Play heals. Play helps heal the body, the brain, your heart, and can help heal your ability to relate, and can help specific relationships. There is plenty of research on the importance of play, just pick up any decent brain book. When you activate the play circuit in your brain, you are bringing the activity of your brain out of lust; anger; fear, all the places where our brain rarely needs to go, but for these kids, is hardwired to go there frequently.

So, I have been pondering what does play look like. What does healthy play look like? Why is play difficult? What is required to play well?

Its easy to think these kids know how to play. . .just sit them down with a bucket of Legos! And yet, if you were to “hear” the story in their head, concerning their play, it just might frighten you. If you ask them to share a bucket of Legos with another, it would be short lived or filled with competition and attempts to assert dominance. Or another typical scenario might be what we call plastic. I will draw a picture of something that looks compliant to appease you, or I will play Legos with so and so in a non-threatening manner to appease you, but then again, the intention is to manipulate the adult, and therefore we end up back at; playing with the intention of asserting dominance. There are several methods to interacting, that appear to be play, and are only veiled attempts to manipulate the adults, which is their most favorite past time. I do not think of it as play, unfortunately, often it is their idea of fun. And most frequently of course, the kids just have no ability to play, whether by themselves or with another.

I think play requires creativity and connection. It can include intra-connection, but for sure, I think it requires internal connection, or a therapist might say, integration. Different parts of themselves, their brains must integrate, to achieve this task. All the children are capable of this, at some level. And yet, the unity we saw among them, to resist our attempts to play, sent me cogitating for days.

So, I pondered what is the greatest hindrance to achieving, the task, at whatever level they are capable and Sheila, our great therapist added a thought, that resonates loudly with me, you can’t play and be a victim simultaneously. To play: to play consistently; either with themselves or one another; or us, requires that they exchange the narrative of victim, which they perceive as an opportunity, defining their internal story, justifying all their actions, and defending their sense of entitlement; to one of chosen, or whole and not broken. I realized, in asking them to play, we are asking them to redefine their identity. That is no small ask.

These pondering have been immensely helpful for me. It replaces a lot of my disappointment with more commitment and energy, to continue to provide play opportunities, a little at a time. Stopping whenever necessary, playing only while they can receive the moment, building on success, and not asking more than they can manage.

If we can engage play, healthy, integrated play, for 10 minutes that is awesome! I celebrate that success. I will stop, only allowing as much as can be metabolized at one time. Moving forward on success and stepping back when it not able to be achieved.

I am hopeful this begins a conversation. Please share your thoughts, with us, with one another. Let us know what was helpful, if there are parts you don’t understand, please reach out. Again, this is not meant to be a treatise on the subject, only a platform to dive off.